Whatever Comes to Mind: Shenanigans

History of events on 11/4/2016

Today at 5:55pm I was expecting to pick my daughter up from TEF. TEF has been ordered by the court to facilitate the exchanges of our children and all communication between my Ex and myself. That is until I received an email from my Ex indicating that he would not be bringing her to the exchange unless I paid his outstanding balance with TEF(a nonprofit that facilitates communication and child exchanges for exes that can't get along).

Now to provide a bit of history. He and I have mutual protective orders that require us to communicate only through TEF and that also requires that all exchanges of our daughter must be performed via TEF. Additionally we are required by the same court orders to split the cost of TEF equally.

My ex feels that this does not pertain to him. To date he has paid TEF once, but never again since he first setup the account. As a result they have had to cease facilitating exchanges once in the past, and almost again tonight. The last time his amount reached a level at which TEF would not facilitate the exchanges he had my daughter, and the only way for me to get her back for my scheduled time was to pay his bill. TEF documented this transaction and made it clear that any money received by them from him would be applied toward the money that he owed me first. Well, he never paid anything and today was the last exchange that the money I paid on his behalf would cover. Again, he had my daughter and he sent an email to me, via TEF, indicating that he would not be bringing my daughter to the scheduled exchange unless I paid his bill so that TEF would be willing to facilitate the upcoming exchange of my daughter next week. Of course I want my daughter for the time that I am allotted and he was not going to bring her under any circumstances that would allow his lack of payment to prevent his ability to receive her at the exchange next week.

After much thought I decided to pay his bill again. What else could I do? I have contacted the police on many occasions to facilitate an exchange, even before we had our protective orders and were required to exchange at TEF, with no action being taken. The common line was, "We are not in the business of taking children from one parent to give them to another." or some such B.S.

Now I understand the concern over wrongfully taking a child from a home and I understand the desire to protect a child from as much parental conflict as possible. But this situation evolved beyond the ridiculous months ago.

My Ex has never been held accountable for any of the shenanigans that he has pulled. He has filed multiple bogus protective orders against me just in an effort to keep my daughter from me. He has repeatedly created excuses not to return my daughter for her scheduled visits and earlier this summer he actually held my 17 year old hostage at his home because she wanted to join me and my fiance and his children on a family trip.

But I digress, back to today’s events. So I pay enough of his bill to satisfy his..... Whatever it is, and he finally agrees to bring my daughter to TEF for the exchange nearly 2 hours late. I return after he is gone and pick her up. then I get to thinking, there must be a law about this sort of thing. I dig into the internet for a few minutes and come across "Economic Exploitation of a Child" the definition that I find is this. "Economic exploitation of a child, also referred to as "criminal exploitation of a child," refers to the use of a child in any way for economic gain." Well, he has effectively held my daughter for ransom twice. I think that qualifies. So I think, "Hey maybe this will give me some leverage to address the abuse that my daughter has been forced to endure, because these agencies and charitable organizations that claim to be there to protect children will do nothing. On this list of "child safety organizations" that I have contacted is the State appointed Guardian Ad Litem, the Courts themselves, Child Protective Services, The Children's Justice Center, and the first line of defense the police. Three different police departments to be exact. So I call the police and explain that my Ex ransomed my daughter. Not once but twice. Guess what I was told............

.........."Well if you had not agreed to pay him and called us first, we could have charged him." WHAAAT!? So what he did is prosecutable before I give him money but not after? How does that make any sense at all! Oh, and let's not forget that every interaction I have had with the police about this matter, to date, has ended with, "We are not in the business of removing children from the home you will need to address this through the courts......"

I am outraged. My daughter is subjected to neglect (I asked her when she had a bath last and she says she can't remember because she is forced to suppress any self interest while she is at her dad's.), isolation(he confiscates her phone and refuses to allow her to have it to call me or for me to call her, while she is at dad's house), she is not taken to school 2 or 3 days a week while she is at her dad's, and the list goes on. I feel a deep sense of powerlessness when I think about what else she may endure, while there, that I know nothing about.

Some of you may say, "Well if it is so bad, why do you let her go there?" (I actually got this one from a cop tonight.) The answer is simple. Because no agency, organization, or individual is willing to intervene when the abuse is psychological, instead of physical. My only recourse is to play nice with the courts and obey the court orders to the letter, in the hopes that some how the truth of this will come out and I will finally be allowed to protect my daughter without risking her being placed in the hands of her abuser indefinitely because I did not follow the court order.

Any of you have any other bright ideas?